Chapter One

Nadine was growing restless. After the initial high of being in a new city, she longed for something more, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. As she was having a latte at a trendy coffee shop, an idea popped into her head, ‘what if I marry a wealthy, older man to free me of financial worries and become a movie star?’ She thought about this, giving her imagination free rein, wondering what it would be like to have that kind of career, remaking her life from scratch. The image she conjured up reminded her of Michelangelo creating the statue of David from a block of marble. She smiled to herself.

Back in the states, she had become just another cold case, and everything about her was stored in a box somewhere in police archives. It was highly unlikely that it would ever be reopened, and even if it had, she was certain it would lead nowhere. After all, there were probably millions of Nadines in the world.

The next day she opened a checking account. Earlier she had changed her last name to ‘Singer’ She was issued a visa card with a credit line of $10,000. She walked into a trendy women’s fashion store and tried on a very revealing outfit along with designer shoes.

“That dress will turn a lot of heads” the salesgirl said as she looked at Nadine in front of a full length mirror.

“That’s the idea. I’ll take it.”

Nadine handed her the credit card and was handed her items in a fashionable bag. She walked out of the store and thought about calling Sister Mary, but realized she’d left that world behind and quickly banished the idea. It made her a little sad, but she knew she could never go back to the old life. She directed her thoughts to creating the future that was taking shape in her mind.

She took an Uber to a nice restaurant and ordered the most expensive item on the menu.

“An excellent choice,” said the waiter.

She wondered if he said that to all the customers to make them feel good about their orders.

Looking around the room, she noticed a handsome man sitting alone. He noticed her looking at him and smiled. She pulled out a paperback she was reading on the life of St. Francis of Assisi. The man came over to her table.

“I noticed you sitting alone, and I took the chance that you might want to join me.”

She looked up from her book and smiled.

“My name is Eric Lustenberg. And you are?”

“Nadine.”

“American?”

“Yes.”

“Would you grace my table with your presence?”

She thought to herself, this guy is laying it on thick, but no harm in a little attention.

“Sure, why not.”

They walked over to his table which had a nice view of the city.

“So, how do you happen to be in London Nadine?”

“I’m here on business.”

“What is your line of work.”

“It’s highly confidential. I’m sure you will appreciate the fact that I can’t really discuss it.”

“Now, you’ve got me intrigued.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Would you like to know what I do?”

“If you want to tell me.”

“I’m an entrepreneur with interests in several fields.”

“That doesn’t tell me much.”

“Let’s just say I’m a successful businessman and leave it at that. It’s not that interesting,”

“I imagine the money makes up for it.”

“Yes, you could say that.”

He wasn’t the old, wealthy man she had pictured but maybe he’d do. He was being secretive, but then again, so was she.

She noticed the expensive Rolex and custom shirt he was wearing. Everything about him spelled money.

After they’d finished their meal, the waiter brought two separate checks. Erik grabbed them both.

“Lunch is on me.”

“Thank you.”

As he got up to leave, he gave her his business card.

“I’d love to continue the conversation. Please contact me if you feel so inclined.”

With that he walked out of the restaurant as Nadine thought about what just happened. Could it be this easy?

Chapter Two

Nadine dreamed she was in a movie being kidnapped and taken somewhere off the beaten track and raped. She awoke with a start. She saw Erik’s card lying on a small chest of drawers next to her bed. She thought of calling him but dismissed the thought. Let him wait awhile; she needed to think things through. Who was this Erik? She had a history of acting on impulse which was good and bad. She had to weigh her options. Her mind was a jumble of conflicting thoughts. She prayed for guidance, but no answers came. She got out of bed and took a cold shower.

She walked out of her apartment and stopped by a local coffee shop, ordered a latte and a croissant and checked the newsfeed on her phone. War in the Middle East, a celebrity caught cheating, same boring stuff. She closed it and started to text Erik, then changed her mind. A girl sat on a nearby table arguing with her boyfriend.

“You don’t care what I think, that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean? I’m constantly asking your opinion about things.”

“You ask me only about things you care about.”

“That’s not true.”

On and on it went. She got up and moved to another table to get away from the noise. She’d never have a relationship like that; actually, that wasn’t a relationship - just two members of the opposite sex arguing. It’s amazing to her they were together. Maybe that’s what they wanted. Arguing was better than the nothingness they’d have to deal with if they were alone.

She opened her kindle app and started reading the Bible. She highlighted the passages that resonated with her. One in particular struck her - James 1:22 “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

She thought of those who paid lip service to God but when it came to the hard work, they were elsewhere, Christians in name only. She was going to be true to God to the best of her understanding. She closed her eyes and thought about where she’d come and what life had in store for her.

A troubling thought occurred to her just then - about the man she killed. She asked for God’s forgiveness and thought of what she could do to make up for it. She’d become rich and famous and anonymously send money to the man’s widow. She felt a heaviness lift from her and knew that was what she had to do.

As she was thinking these thoughts, a young man noticed her and said something to break her reverie.

“Looks like whatever you’re thinking’s got a hold of you.”

Nadine opened her eyes and looked in the direction the voice was coming from. She assessed if this was a threat, and seeing it was just a young guy trying to make a move on her, dismissed any danger present. She spoke:

“Is this just idle curiosity or do you really care?”

The young man didn’t know what to say and was suddenly tongue tied.

She asked him, “What’s your name?”

He said, “Aaron.”

“Aaron, do yourself a favor - the next time you want to pick up on a girl, first observe her closely and say something that might gain her interest. Consider this a kindly lesson. Be thankful I didn’t kick your ass.”

With that she left, leaving him with his head spinning trying to process what just went down.

Chapter Three

When she got home, she felt strange, like something happened that she sensed but couldn’t quite articulate. There was a certain attraction to Erik, but a certain fear factor. These two emotions waged a war in her head as she wrestled with them. She decided to make some new friends and joined a book club. They were meeting in two days and the book under discussion would be ‘The Old Man and The Sea’ by Ernest Hemingway.

She purchased it and started reading. The story gripped her, and she finished it in short order. Suddenly she felt isolated and not sure of her direction. She had to figure out what to do with her life. Doubt began to creep in telling her that her dreams would never come true. ‘Get thee behind me Satan’ she said out loud.

The next day, she walked up to a bookstore in SoHo where the club met. As she walked in, she saw about ten people, the majority women, eating cookies and drinking coffee from a nearby table. She walked over to it and poured herself a cup and skipped the cookies. A woman walked up to her.

“Hi, I’m Ruth. I’ll be leading the discussion. I see you’re new.”

“Yes, I’m Nadine.”

“Welcome Nadine, we’re looking forward to hearing your reflections on the book.”

“Thank you.”

Soon, they all gathered in a semi-circle and Ruth spoke up.

“Who would like to comment on the central theme of the book?”

Nadine had something to say but wanted to see what the others said first

A young girl spoke up.

“I think it’s a struggle, a test of one’s own will to confront a huge ordeal and see it through to the end.”

“Very interesting observation Sylvie. Who else would like to comment?”

Nadine began to speak.

“The old man is trying to find his soul - the fish represents his unconscious desire to merge with something greater than himself and the struggle is accepting the challenge to realize that greater part or sink into the despair that confronts everyone who refuses to accept his or her calling.”

Nadine got up.

“I’m sorry, I have something important I must attend to. Thanks for including me in your discussion.”

She left as the others in a mild state of shock.

Ruth said, “Well, that was a really fascinating take on it. Does anyone wish to comment on what Nadine said?”

The room was silent. Everyone was deep in thought and reexamining their own lives. Someone spoke up.

“As for me, it made me want to look at what I’ve been doing and figure out if it’s really the right path for me. I feel something churning inside, a restlessness, a hunger for something more.”
The others nodded in agreement.

Lethal Habit

About the Book

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