Michael J Mallen

     Krasner’s book shot up the New York Times bestseller list due mostly to an algorithm glitch that recommended it to millions on multiple platforms. Vast numbers of people who had never read a book before were suddenly downloading it to avoid a dreaded case of FOMO.

     “It’s about time someone challenged the Law of Attraction. This is the real secret,” opined a smirking Bill Maher on his show.

     “Professor Krasner is so awesome,” a Gen Zer posted online between uploading videos of herself on TikTok.

     Unfortunately, the highly acclaimed academic died after being run over by a skateboarder in a freak accident. A well-known social media influencer captured the tragic event on video and posted it on Instagram with the hashtag #Alienate, where it immediately went viral.

     The book gained even more new readers and was featured on the Dr. Phil Show with interviews of Krasner’s former colleagues, who were all happy to get their fifteen minutes of fame.

     “I think being the victim of a random accident validated Krasner’s theory,” a former soap opera star told the National Enquirer while spearing a cube of jello at The Motion Picture and Television Fund Assisted Living Facility. 

     Krasner’s wife seemed unfazed by his death, especially after collecting the double indemnity insurance payout.

     A reporter from WBZ (Channel 4) in Boston asked Mrs. Krasner for a statement.

     “We stopped having sex years ago. I told Dean to lighten up with all that alienation crap.

     “Armageddon my ass—he just wanted to make some serious money for a change.”