Michael J Mallen

THE WORLD WAS shocked when it was recently discovered that the very popular AI platform known as ChatGPT was not run by artificial intelligence, but by one man, Gupta Prakash Tagore or GPT as he had come to be known.

From a very early age, Gupta was fascinated with computers and learned to program in Java when he was eight, astounding all those who knew him. By ten he had mastered C++ and Python.

He locked himself in his small room in Jaipur and spent years developing software. His single mother catered to his every need and worshipped him like a god. He loved to chat online and had no social life except with his pet monkey Rama.

After launching ChatGPT, Gupta was amazed at all the interest. He was forced to miss sleep to catch up with all the demands from users wanting quick fixes to any and all requests. They demanded solutions handed to them with minimal work on their part.

Eventually it all caught up with Gupta, and he was committed to a local mental hospital suffering from what doctors called ADC (Advanced Degenerative Cyberphobia) or as most people refer to it, a nervous breakdown.

“It’s one of the worse cases we’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Rajneesh Singh, Chief Physician for Mental Health at Our Lady of Kolkata.

In the aftermath of Gupta’s decline, ChatGPT was acquired by Greed, Inc. who hired a hundred software engineers to ensure the business was up and running, but were encountering problems with increased demand and server crashes.

Gupta was heavily sedated to deal with all the undue strain on his brain. He hasn’t spoken to anyone since being hospitalized, not even his mother.

Rama, normally well behaved, hurled himself into walls, screeching like a banshee while urinating all over the rugs and furniture. Needless to say, he lost all visitation rights.

One night, a nurse making her rounds, heard a voice coming from Gupta’s room. She quietly opened the door and saw Gupta looking out the window repeating the following words over and over again: “Alan Turing was wrong.”